Life – Death – Lemons

Well where do I begin??? In the beginning there was nothing, then apparently the Big Bang or not – depending on the way you swing. You where born, you live, you die. In that order except the living part – sometimes we get it right other times not so much.

Just recently (very recently) I have lost a dear friend that I hold close to my heart. And DAMN I was angry. Like beyond fucken angry. Like who the fuck does this life bitch think she is walking into people’s lives taking shit that does not belong to her and leaving behind broken lives and shattered dreams. Then I sit and think (again – hard to believe I know) why – why me- why her – why that family- why fucken anything. Baring in mind that I am a firm believer in “shit happens for a reason”. Moments in life happen so that you can learn from them, grow from them (do we though???).

Inside tram joke…..

So why? Why take someone who gave herself so freely, lived so well and loved wholeheartedly. I don’t know – that lesson is yet to smack me upside the head with its revelation. All I know is that there are people – good people – grieving. I know that my friend now looks at us from a different perspective. I know that she knows she is in a better place – I know she is. But selfishly I still want her to be here, I want to hear her laugh I want to see her smile. We so quickly forget the memories when we get caught up in our grief.

More like a see you next Tuesday…..

I digress this was supposed to be about life – death – lemons…..

How often do we find ourselves just going with the flow and not actually living. When is the last time you did something that blew your mind (no not cocaine). I think that every time someone we love is taken its a second chance, a chance to start living again – our best lives – not our ah fuck imma just do my normal nothing lives. Go out there make a difference – re-ignite your fire, your passion – be a light in someone else’s life – take a chance.

I have spent all of my life living in my head – the world in my head is my world – it’s beautiful, it’s safe and it’s mine – I run it. I often forget that I actually do have a life outside of my head. A pretty fucken good one too, I have amazing friends, I have a roof over my head, a job, a car and a cat the only thing I need to do is live.


In life, we are all dealt our hand to play with
No matter what life throws at you
Play until the very end
Play through the pain and the trying times
Play through the heartbreak and the suffering
Take a breath – pick up your cards and keep playing
It cant rain all the time
The sun is always shining – even behind the clouds

Yeah life…. gun and a fucken shovel…. remember that…

Published by heidisch78

Where do I start. Here I guess.

4 thoughts on “Life – Death – Lemons

  1. Love your heartfelt story and feel your pain Heidi, we will celebrate the time we enjoyed with Ro, she isn’t suffering anymore but we are. I have some great memories of her even though I haven’t had anything to do with her since we moved here.
    Big hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss Heidi. The pain, anger and terrible sense of loss. Time takes the sting away but not entirely. At odd times of the day memories side swipe you. But wonderful memories – you enriched each others lives and part of who you are is because of that person. As long as you are alive that person’s memory is alive too. Embrace those good times, cry and remember. Then smile and take one day at a time being alive – lemons and all.

    ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
    Alfredo, Lord Tennyson

    Liked by 1 person

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