Well hello and welcome to this the seventh (can’t be sure I didn’t check before I published)?? Instalment of my blog… Dammit I though she stopped I hear you say!! Well you don’t need to read it if you don’t want too however (which is just but just spelt differently) you may relate with what you read – or not – again the choice is yours …
Anywho’s enough of my rambling about whether you should spend your precious time reading my blog …
Today (well whatever day you decide to read it really) I want to talk about the concept “enough”. This is something that I struggle with – a lot. To the point where I drank half a bottle of cognac because I had someone convince me that I WASN’T enough. Possibly not the best idea I’ve had in a while, but (however spelt differently) I ran with it regardless. Do I feel better? No. Do I understand why I was upset? No. Will I once again try and drown my sorrows in a bottle of cognac – probably.
Right where was I? Oh that’s right, ENOUGH. What is enough? Well according to my great friends Google and Wikipedia enough is:
- as much or as many required
- as much or as many of something as required
- the required degree or extent that satisfies (used after an adjective, adverb or verb)
Read that again – the word “required” seems to have a frequent spot in those definitions. Let’s have a look at what my friends say about require/required then:
- need for a particular purpose
- officially compulsory or otherwise considered essential; indispensable
Alternatively there is the synonym:
As much or as many as required – needed for a particular purpose – adequate. What is enough to you? My enough is certainly not your enough and what you think is enough may well not be (well to me or anybody for that matter). If I am essential or needed for a specific purpose or quantitatively as “much” as needed how much is enough? How am I enough for some things but not enough for others? What if I am no longer needed for that particular purpose? Alternatively, how much enough is too much? Who or what decides what is enough? Do I decide what of myself if anything I decide to dedicate to some things or do we run with someone else’s preconceived notion of what enough is to them and or the situation?
To me when someone says that “you are enough” I feel like they are saying that I’m adequate for one thing but not this other thing – you know the thing that you really want or convinced yourself that you needed. Is “enough” reciprocal? Do our enoughs (yes this is a word that I made up myself) match, if not why, if yes how? One of the things that I like to tell myself (whether I actually listen to myself is a completely different issue which may or may not be discussed in a separate blog – notice how I emphasised the not) is that be the best version of yourself always – is that really enough? The best version of me for who/what?
How is it that when someone needs you for something you are enough and when they no longer need you, you are no longer enough, or you become too much. Whose perception changed. If you remained constant, then clearly it is the other person/situation/thing that has changed, yes? Yet you are the one left feeling like you are no longer “enough”. How does that become our burden? How is it that one specific event/thing/person can make us believe that we are no longer worthy of that event/thing/person – we were briefly – not anymore. You can begin to understand how that can hurt/destroy/isolate a person – take away the thing that that person presumed they were good enough for and they become nothing.
This is why the whole – you are enough – mantra makes no sense to me. Are we now not to improve or better ourselves or strive for more because someone else has decided that we are essentially adequate? What happens when our adequate becomes inadequate do we just wait to see if people’s standards drop?
And still I don’t understand – is it one of those things that I am not supposed to understand? Do we just go through life doing things within other people’s parameters then as soon as we no longer achieve, we just move on – or get moved on? How do we reframe ourselves to strive to be the best version of ourselves and learn that we may not be what every situation/person/thing requires but that we can learn to adapt and be who we need to be for ourselves? How do we manage our expectations of ourselves? How do you unlearn the mantra of just being enough? When do we become what we need? At what point do we decide that we are satisfied with ourselves and that we are needed for a particular purpose – namely ours? And yes, there are a lot of questions in this paragraph that I do not have the answers too – probs best not to ask Siri or Google – you may not like the answer. I suspect this is something that will continue to plague me because I don’t understand how people think or operate (and yes I know I’m not supposed too) I can’t help myself.
I know that in life we wish for ourselves various things and that we hope to be enough for these things. We dream big and we fall hard – this is how life works (I speak for myself here you have the option to relate or not to relate). My question is why do we allow ourselves to live for others enoughs when in fact we should be living for ourselves and our purpose?